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I usually write everything down in a journal first then edit myself a bit and type it out... But this is an unedited, outloud thinking, spur of the moment account of things in my head... I see from my past posts, the title of my blog 'Korea' may be a bit off. I've mentioned it only fleetingly... Sometimes it is hard for me to write about the things that are right in front of me... the everday occurrences... They seem unimportant... 'what I ate today' 'my one minute walk to work' 'the lunch break that went by too fast'... these are all things we all experience... just in different settings... but maybe it is these unimportant and sometimes mundane aspects of life that need to be looked at a little more closely. Are we missing out on half of our life because we coast through these moments? I'm gonna make an effort to be conscious in these times... I don't know what it'll bring... maybe boredom?
Korea... what can I say about it? It's become like any place you've lived... It's where I live, it's not my home, but it's where I live. The people are friendly and yet they'll run right into you on the sidewalks and in the subway... I've gotten good at the shoulder check... I don't move out of the way anymore... let them. I'm bigger than most... but I still can't shoulder check an older lady, but they are the worst. I guess they've earned the right to smash through the throngs.
I've been thinking a lot about the next step... what is it? Options on the table, well hopefully they turn into options. 1) Get a teaching job in California. That would be the ultimate... for various reasons... 2) Get a teaching job in the USA. I'll move anywhere right about now just to get started. 3) Back to school? Masters? Something different? Almost feels like a waste of time right now... 4) Stay in Korea another year... if the option is on the table and I don't have any interviews in the states... do I do it? It may be 10 months away, but it's rapidly approaching. I sometimes feel like I'm in an episode of the Twilight Zone where I play the character who can't quit attain the very goal that he feels will complete him. Only to realize too late that he didn't need it... Am I chasing the wrong dream? Is teaching that important to me? I know I like doing it... but doors really aren't opening... I realize most industries aren't hiring... but there are jobs out there... I mean I do have a great one right now... But I don't see myself staying here indefinitely... It just feels like starting my real adult life is on hold until I obtain an actual teaching job in the states... I can put down some roots... I can start living... Oh I'm living now, smelling the roses, and soaking up as much of Korea as I can... But this isn't my home... I'm renting... Maybe I'm too focused on tomorrow and not enough on today... Life is what happens to you when you're too busy planning it... Right you are John, right you are.
Late one afternoon, archaelogist Gene Savoy became lost in a Peru jungle. He searched and searched for the tiny trail that had led him into the jungle. But he couldn't find it. In a state of panic and near exhaustion, he stopped dead still. Then a strange thought flashed across his mind. God is in this jungle. It is God's house. Gene had been introduced to the beauties of nature when he was a boy in Oregon. His parents had taught him that God had created the universe, sustains it, and resides in it. Why had he closed his eyes to God's presence in the jungles of Peru? Didn't God create them also? Doesn't God reside in them also? Instantly Gene relaxed and put all his trust in God, in whose house he was. He said later: "I looked up into the beautiful emerald world of wild orchids, and fragrant blossoms where hummingbirds hovered. Yes, God was here too. My heart quieted." At that moment something deep within Gene seemed to say, "Walk a few paces to the left." He did. And there was the tiny trail.
ReplyDeleteJosh, this so touched me the other night when I was stressing over the job at WIS, (which they are reopening and I will get another interview), I experienced the same relaxed feeling. I know how hard it is to leave things in God's hands. Your mother has a hard time letting go of the illusion of control over my life, but this just seemed to soak into my soul and helped me to be ok with whatever the outcome is to be. I will be praying that you find that tiny trail that is waiting for you. Although, you know I want you home cuz I'm just selfish that way :) I love you, Mom